I’ve been hurt in my past. Maybe you have to. Love seems too many times something that I have to earn or justify or work so dang hard for! Like the paycheck from work, so don’t screw up too much or you’ll get fired! I guess it’s because I’ve lived long enough to deal with friends walking away from something I’ve done. Wonder what it was? Hurtful words are sometimes thrown around – even from me! And they bite! Or, the one I care for just slips away…I’m left wondering what went wrong!
I’ve studied behaviors and thinking patterns and personalities from people for years! I’ve read so many books on the subject – I’m fascinated with it all really. I am certified in what’s called “Formal Axiology” which is the Mathematical Measurement of the way people think. Now that’s a mouthful. I’m also certified with Personality tests…I was asked If I can read minds last night…well, no. But it would feel like that if I did open up about how you think and what makes you tick. I’ve had countless people in tears…grown men cry over me talking about what’s in their lives. Things that I shouldn’t know because I don’t know them!
I get messages every day about personal things from people who know that I write for Red Fox. They struggle with issues…honestly, I think people just want to know that they are ok, to know a direction, and to be reassured that it’s possible to achieve. We are really hurting out there!
When I met my Jimmy, what struck the most was that no matter what came his direction from me or my four children (two were teenagers), he reassured me often that he wasn’t gong anywhere! He wasn’t leaving or walking away. He loved me. He loved me and let me know this WAAAY before I would allow myself to believe it! Like I said, I had been hurt! I had conditional love before and I wanted no part of it!
I tell my children that I may not like what they have done, but no matter what I still love them and will never walk away! Why? Because no matter what I do or how much I “miss the mark” God doesn’t ever walk away from me! He loves me unconditionally. He loved me while I was still in the midst of my sin (and still does when I sin!) I don’t go out and test the love Jim has for me…not on purpose. I stay loyal and helpful and encouraging to him to the best of my ability. I don’t test God’s love for me either…I don’t ever want to grieve either God or Jim. However, that love is tested regardless! I’ve been rude. I’ve been selfish, angry…these things step on the toes of the one that loves me unconditionally. I can hurt those closest to me. I’m sorry. It can happen to me as well! What will I do when it does happen?
To walk away looking for someone else who is going to be “better” or perfect means to let go on love itself. I’m not judging those who have…Jim and I are both divorced. I get it. I don’t wish it on anyone!! It was painful to all parties involved!
I know…I mean I really know that Jim loves me. I know this by how we dated. Poor thing, I put him through the ringer before I would make that commitment to him. I don’t need to test that at this point. We’ve made those vows. Is he perfect??? 🙂 No. But when He or I get off base we have to agree to talk it though (it doesn’t always start out the best way…but we do get there and work it through!) We have two things that we can trust with all our hearts…We both love Jesus Christ and have trusted Him with our lives and hearts…and we love each other.
This past February, Jim sent me a song that I’ve adored ever since. It’s now becoming popular! Here it is with all its beauty. This song is a true statement in every relationship and I believe we all crave such a thing. To not experience it leaves a hole in our lives! It is there for you and for me…first and foremost through God Himself! Next through how we love and take care of ourselves! When we are able to implement this love into our lives through these areas, we will attract more and more of it from the outside relationships as well! Take a listen…
Love is a Four letter word
is the album and the song is:
Jason Marz – I Won’t Give Up