Tag Archives: how to get along

Don’t Engage…Be Present by Bradley Grinnen

Here’s a great post about how we can react when we are situations that are rubbing us wrong! It’s not always easy to be “controlled” in those moments! My friend Bradley Grinnen gives a thoughtful view on confrontations….”Don’t Engage…Be Present”

Thanks Bradley!

Don't Engage...Be Present by Bradley Grinnen
Don’t Engage…Be Present by Bradley Grinnen

Bradley Grinnen

Full disclosure… I am unmistakably a believer.  In this space I often use the term ‘The Divine’ to refer to the Higher Power.  Please allow yourself to replace ‘The Divine’ with how you’ve come to know and understand God.


The world has a funny way of bumping into us and completely changing our inner state of being.  One moment we’re happy and content, going through our day, and then BAM!  Someone that we really don’t feel good being around runs into us with the kind of passing comment that can immediately derail us.  We end up having 4 or 5 different conversations with that person in our head for the rest of the day.  Maybe we tell them off.  Maybe we logically box them into a corner and then knock them out with the tremendously practiced words we’ve worked so hard to come up with.  All in our head…

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Your Free To Discover You!

“I’m not sure if I should do that…What would someone say?” There is a blessing out there that too many of us miss! We are all created unique…different…passions and qualities that only we can fulfill.

I have this “thing” about me…The joke is that every day is Christmas to me. Now on the surface that may sound simply wonderful. My now husband thought so when we first met. “Oh that’s so cute” I warned him that it really wasn’t…now I think there are days when he would agree! Ha! It’s not really that I’m forgetful, but unless my attention is fixated on what someone is saying, I may let it go. I have a unique quality of thinking…a LOT! I go through actions, words, behaviors and figure out all the ‘Why’ and ‘How’ of situations…some of them are not even mine! My children know most days that when they want me to really know something, they first have to say my name and make sure that I’m looking directly at them-usually with a pen in hand!! The problem-solver, thinker, and visionary in me many times prevents me from always focusing on the here-and-now.

My reasoning behind telling you this…it’s just ME. When I was younger, (not that long ago!) I really struggled with this. It seemed this quality of mine prevented me from engaging in simple everyday fare. I didn’t understand that one side of the coin meant great encouragement to others, business dealings, promotions and edifying people, places and companies. While the other side of the coin was missing the PTA meeting, saying no to involvements at church and school, and missing details of “frivolous” letters and emails (my interpretation). It seemed that I was hurting others constantly by not “paying attention” and I was worried incessantly about what others were thinking about me and if they liked me.

Now, I’ve figured out a thing or two. I’ve learned that I need to get detailed in my listening skills and write, write, write it down. Now, I’m better at this, but I can always improve…It’ll never be my strength at all times! I’ve learned that I can put it into practice and really focus, but it takes much out of me! So, the next area has become very important to me as well…time. Time for myself to be alone, to think, the write it all down and to hear from God.

It’s important to realize, this isn’t advice for you…it’s how God has made me. These are MY strengths and MY weaknesses (I have more of course…:)) You need to discover your own! You are unique from me. In God’s divine plan, He’s created us both different…why? We are to use our strengths that each of us have and support each other! The problem comes when we get lost and start to nit-pick at each other-finding fault in each other because after all “Your not like me and you don’t do it like me!”

We get lost when we focus on what we don’t have or how we don’t measure up. The question becomes, who’s standard are we comparing ourselves to? We need to realize how God feels and thinks about us. He loves us immeasurably! He cares for us! He sees us more beautiful than the Heavens, and NEVER stops thinking about us. He doesn’t make junk. Now, He MAY be at work developing the gifts that you were given! But make no mistake, you were created for a purpose and you are unique. We are to celebrate this about ourselves! We are to celebrate this in each other. Yes we have faults. I’m sorry that I missed that meeting and deadline with you because I didn’t write it down or realize that it was that important to you. I really am. God’s not finished with me yet!! (I know you’ve heard this from me already-but I can’t say it enough! I have a long way to go!) When we can get confident in how God views us, we have freedom to discover our purpose AND we have freedom to let others discover theirs. Our faults or their faults don’t have to bother us any longer! What a relief, let me tell you!!

So go ahead and rest in the knowledge of God’s point of view of you. You have problems…issues…faults…true. However, you have AWESOME and BEAUTIFUL strengths too! Focus in on those! Head straight into dwelling on the gifts and talents that you’ve been given and you will release more of them! I love this song from Francesca Botticelli “Free To Be Me” It talks about the struggle of both sides to this coin we all carry around! It’s a beautiful demonstration of how God wants to free us from the burden of fault-finding! Take a listen and see yourself! C’mon! Life is so much more enjoyable within this freedom and you are more enjoyable to be around too!